An Alternate Route

You hear people — well, guys, at least — talk about the “man card.” Supposedly, when we do something that our guy friends would classify as not very manly, they strip us of our “man card.”

I’m calling nonsense.

This is a stupid concept. In fact, it only plays into our country’s existing issues with sexism. It further validates the status quo for how men & women are supposed to act in a social situation. And it hinders authenticity. It borderline encourages men to act a certain way, even if that’s not at all how they believe they should act… or want to act.

I don’t have a man card. I may have had one in my latter high school years, and possibly a short stretch my freshman year of college, but those days are long gone (Even longer than the 9 years since I was a freshman in college. I age quicker than most.)

• I don’t drink beer. Haven’t for several years now.
• I’m not going to sit on the couch & watch football all day Sunday.
• I’d probably fill out a better NCAA Tournament bracket by using team colors.
• If I want to go get a manicure/pedicure, I’ll just go get one. Simple as that.

I’ll stop there, but you get the point.

Human Card

I will say this. Perhaps I have a human card.

• It reminds me to reduce, reuse, recycle, and lower my impact on this Earth.
• To be nice to others. Treat people with respect.
• Be honest. Don’t sugar coat things.
• Open the door for… everybody.
• Help people. My friends, those in need, and sometimes people that just ask for it.

The coolest thing about the Human Card. No matter what silly statement you make, what you eat (or don’t eat), or whatever you do decide to do with your girlfriend that you know you’ll hear crap about later…

No one can ever take it away from me. For any reason. Ever.

I’m Not A Philosophy Major, But…

I’m going to get philosophical for a moment. Not to the level of Socrates, Plato or Aristotle — all my homeboys, by the way (I like to think of it as an ancient bromance). But I am going to sum up the world in 2 words. Not an easy task, I know, but give this a shot.

How This Came About

Earlier today, I had one of the most open, honest, lay-it-all-out-there conversations I can ever remember having. It was a unique conversation. One that many shy away from, or even purposely avoid.

It was so transparent, on a scale from 1 to 10, if 1 was Facebook’s old privacy policy and 10 was Newt Gingrich’s feelings on the opening question to the South Carolina Presidential debate… this conversation was somewhere in the hundreds.

She opened up, and was completely honest to me (did I tell you how much I appreciate that, btw?). I was honest with her. This kind of complete honesty with one another also makes you be honest with yourself — which is partly why I write this blog.

The conversation was difficult because it uncovered something that no one ever wants to hear.

But as difficult as it was, and the fact that it has the possibility to end something special… part of me feels really good about it. Good, in the sense that, if 2 people can have a conversation like this one,

• The world is not going crazy after all, and
• There are still people out there who truly value honesty

The 2 Words

Enough with all this intro background garbage. I know. You want to know what the two words are.

World = Relationship + Honesty

Relationships

Friends. Lovers. Bros. Hoes. Co-workers. Partners. Pets. God. Self.

We have relationships with many things. Multiple relationships at the same time. Some last forever. Others come & go. Some bring clarity. Others breed confusion. Some relationships are refreshing. Some, challenging. Some, easy.

We have relationships with other living things: our fellow humans & our pets. But also with the dead. Those who have lived adjacent to us, and those who are simply a part of history.

Sometimes our strongest relationship is not with the living or the dead, but with a set of beliefs… or a book of scripture… or a place of worship.

Relationships have gotten us jobs & introduced us to our spouse. They have also gotten us fired & ruined our marriage.

Relationships, just like the world, are subjective. You’ll never have a relationship with your SAT score.

They’re ever-changing. You will wander in & out of them your entire life. Guaranteed.

You can’t predict them. Don’t worry. Neither could Columbus. He just got lucky.

They have no inherent value. You might think your wife is worth a million bucks… or an expensive diamond ring… but she’s worth so much more than that.

Honesty

I was thinking… if I had one gift to give to the world, what would it be? And no, I’m not practicing for a Miss America pageant. I really do think about this stuff, somewhat regularly (probably way more than I should).

Sure, I could give the world food, and then people wouldn’t be starving. Or I could give clean water, and people would be healthier, and live longer. I could give condoms to slow down AIDS in Africa. And I’d probably save millions of lives doing any one of these things… or a host of others just like them.

But so long as we’re not all honest with each other, and ourselves, we’re always going to have all the little crap that ends up leading to the big crap. And by crap, I mean problems. Debt. AIDS. Starvation. Homelessness. War. Infidelity. Murder. Cheating. Et cetera.

Honesty & relationships are intertwined. By giving the world honesty, it might help cure all the broken relationships. The ones between lovers. Between spouses. Between friends. Between nations and tribes and religious groups. Between humans and the environment. Between a mother and her daughter, or you and your next door neighbor.

 

I realize there are other things that make up our world. But at least today… for me… these are the two that seem to matter so much more than any of the others.

I’m not a fan of New Year’s. The day. The resolutions. The parties. A multi-million dollar ball falling from the sky. I dislike the entire idea, really.

I also don’t make New Year’s resolutions. While I realize that having a uniform time (once per year) to recap the past & determine the future can be helpful, I think New Year’s resolutions rarely resolve anything. Many never happen. And some never even come close.

Resolve whatever you want, whenever you want

If you have an idea in March… or decide you want to do something in June… or stop doing something in September — DO IT THEN. Don’t wait another 6 months & 27 days until January 1st. That’s ridiculous.

With that being said, I have compiled a list of things I’d like to work on in my life. Some have already begun; others are just getting started. And there are no timelines. I might complete one or more of these things tomorrow. Or maybe not until 2014.

2012: A year of selfishness

What a horrible way to think, right? Not necessarily. Let’s be honest. We’re all selfish to some extent. And those who know me would attest that I’ve been pretty unselfish these past 27 years. I’ve put favors ahead of sleep. Friends ahead of exercise. I still say yes way more than I say no.

This year, I say no. No, to the favors. No, to the commitments. No, to the organizations. No, to the call for donations.

And I say yes… to myself. Yes, to my ideas. Yes, to my health. Yes, to my wallet. Yes, to my future.

Saying yes to myself now will allow me to do favors, make commitments, help out with organizations & give donations later. But I must get moving on the things I want to do.

Here’s what I say yes to

• Send more birthday cards
• Apply to be on Fear Factor
• Stop talking so much about doing things… and actually do them
• Appear on the Ellen DeGeneres show for catching food in my mouth
• Learn to do a backflip
• Learn to walk on my hands
• Consistent. Morning. Workouts.
• Visit Colorado
• Go skiing out West (somewhere… anywhere)
• Stop being so much of a perfectionist & just deliver the goods (even when they’re not perfect)
• Write a spoken word poem… and perform it in front of a group of people
• Do a better job of calling friends, especially around important life events
• Putting romantic relationships over work
• urbanSMACKDOWN (Get ready. It’s coming…)

PS – I just printed out the list. I’m hanging it in 2 places in my apartment.

PPS – If you know me, and you see me blowing an opportunity to fulfill what’s on this list, please intervene.

Dear Better Half,

I love you and all, but I’m really not sure how you got your name.

Sure, we do things together. Live together. Make babies. Raise children. Buy stuff. Even have the same last name. But what part of that makes you better than me?

We also make mistakes. Fail. Help each other out. cry. Laugh. We both have our ups… and our downs. And we are both there for each other when the other needs it.

Please don’t take offense. You’re awesome. I mean that. That’s why I’m spending the rest of my life with you.

Here’s how I see it. Part of why we go so well together is the fact that we are both awesome. And neither one of us should take any of that away from ourselves by settling for the lesser half.

Sincerely,
Your lesser other half ;-)

I’m not the next iron chef, although I am improving in the kitchen. Either way, I like to have fun. And when I’m making smoothies, cooking dinner or just grabbing a bowl of cereal… it’s no exception.

Do a spin move from cabinet-to-cabinet. Flip your silverware in the air a few times before it lands in your cereal. Dance, and laugh at your reflection in the microwave.

You might get a few weird looks from your roommate (or husband/wife/kids), but 1) they’ll get used to it soon, and 2) who cares… you’re having fun :-)

It’s OK just to be a runner. To run for 10 minutes. Run for an hour.

It’s OK to say no to GPS, and just wear a simple Timex. And it’s also OK not to use it—or run naked, as we call it.

I’ve always loved running for its simplicity, yet there has never been anything simple about running an ultramarathon.

• you have to plan for everything, and pack tons of stuff just in case
• figuring out how to stay hydrated has always been a nightmare for me
• blisters on my feet
• nipple chafing
• (relatively) expensive race fees
• navigational challenges

The race that changed things

The Finger Lakes 50 in up-state NY changed the way I thought about ultrarunning.

I was running with my new friend, Jeff, from Niagara Falls, NY for a good portion of the 1st loop, and the beginning of the 2nd loop. It was when we separated 2/3 of the way through the 2nd loop where things started running through my head.

See, when you’re running with friends, you get caught in conversation. You concentrate on the topic at hand. In other words, you are distracted from the main activity you are doing — running. Just like being on the phone while driving.

But there isn’t always someone to talk to. And if all you’re looking for is engaging conversation, there are 6.5 billion people in the world & hundreds of thousands of Starbucks. You certainly don’t need 50+ miles to form, or improve upon, a friendship. (It does, however, make the story a bit more interesting)

The nagging question

So once again, I found myself alone, in the middle of the woods, legs burning, sweat dripping down my face, hopelessly swatting gnats, with a slight headache from dehydration. Nothing groundbreaking. This is standard for just about every ultramarathon out there. And once again I found myself asking the same question.

Why am I doing this?

I’ve never had a perfectly scripted, eloquently delivered answer to this question. Usually it was along the lines of, “because I love the experience” or “to see if I can do it” or “to test my limits & inspire others to do the same.”

I still can’t tell you exactly why I’ve been running ultras for the past few years, but I came to a life-changing realization out in the middle of the forest this weekend.

Tunnel vision

I’ve had tunnel vision with this goal to complete a 100 mile race. Somehow I convinced myself that it’s the only goal that matters. That until I complete it, I can’t move on with the next chapter of my life.

It’s like the 9-yr-old boy who wants to be Justin Bieber before he realizes all the stuff that comes with it. That’s his idol. He caught Bieber Fever, and nothing is going to stop him from living that lifestyle. Until…

…the fever breaks. (and yes, even Bieber Fever will eventually break)

Losing sight of goals

That’s pretty much what happened to me—with ultrarunning. I looked up to these guys completing insane acts of endurance, and I set out to achieve nothing short of the same. In fact, my over-achieving, perfectionist attitude had me believing I could one-up these guys. That I could do things even they couldn’t do.

But again… why?

I don’t have anything to prove – to myself, or anyone else. I don’t have to run 100 miles in order to say that I’ve accomplished something. I’ve already run more than twice as far as I ever thought I could. And I’ve even done that on 3 separate occasions.

The other stuff

This stubborn ignorance had me ignoring the other great parts of my life that are happening right now. I run my own successful business, and have for almost 2 years now. I just hired my first employee. I want to travel & explore the world. I’m moving downtown to begin creating the lifestyle that I’ve been aimlessly avoiding for the past 4 years.

I can be ultra in all of these areas. So I can leave the ultra out of running for now.

My future with ultrarunning

It was a little difficult when I first came to the decision to give it up. Anything you pour that much time & effort into, is naturally tough to walk away from. But in less than a week, I’ve come to terms with it.

I don’t know if I’ll do another ultra again. But right now, I’m just not thinking about it. I want to go back to the simplest, most pure form of running. Enjoy each run without worrying about hitting a certain mark or training for an upcoming race.

I can assure you, I still have an enormous amount of respect for the ultrarunning community. It’s an amazing group of people, with a ridiculously high level of determination & grit. Lots of interesting stories. Truly genuine folks.

I’ll still support my friends who run them. I might even run with them—for part of the race ;-)

Happiness is

I sat down next to my parents after I quit the 50-miler 2/3 of the way through, and I’ll never forget what I said.

I’ve never been more excited to quit something in my entire life.

There were always bits & pieces of ultrarunning that made me happy. Little things that I enjoyed. But with something as demanding as an ultramarathon, there should be more than just a little. Ultimately, I wasn’t enjoying this enough for it to justify all the things it was depriving me from, not to mention the pain it put me through (each and every time, without fail).

I think I’ll be a happier person without ultrarunning. There will always be things I miss, but if I did everything that had some appeal to me… well… I’d need so many hours in a day you’d have to stop the Earth from rotating for a few years.

Here’s to the next chapter…

“I want to be thoroughly used up when I die.”
- George Bernard Shaw

Phew! I didn’t realize I could run that fast.

This was the first race I can remember where I told myself going in, “Go all out & see what happens.” Realistically, if I pushed myself too hard, I could’ve bonked, and had to walk it in. Basically, I was operating under the all-or-nothing principle.

The Start

I started in a lead group with about 10 others. Since there was no chip timing, I really wanted an even start with the best of the best. It would also be nice not to weave through people on the single track. And I figured I would push myself harder if I ran with the leaders.

The Lead Pack

A lead pack of about 12 started to develop. After 4 or 5 minutes, I quickly realized I couldn’t hang with their pace. I was probably doing low 7:00s, but these guys were easily in the 6:00s. And they had it on cruise control.

I tucked myself into the back of that front group, and found a pace I was comfortable with.

The Ruins… didn’t ruin anything

The infamous Myan Ruins came early on (I think to everyone’s liking). If they made us climb those things in the latter part of the race… well, that would just be wrong.

I usually take them very slow, careful not to waste too much energy. I crawled up them pretty quickly, staying in control. 5 seconds of walking was still needed at the top, to quickly regroup.

Buttermilk

I’m no stranger to this part of the course. I’ve run Buttermilk more times than I can count. Some days have gone well. Others… not so much. But I knew the trail, it’s baby hills, turns, roots, rocks, and short but steep descents. I ran hard. I ran well.

The Internal Conversation (aka: Forest Hill Park loops)

Being the first race I’ve ever gone all out, my mind kept playing tricks on me. An internal conversation ensued. Confidence vs. Self-doubt.

Slow down. You’re going too fast.

Keep pushing. You’re faster than you think.

Keep drinking. Don’t get dehydrated. It’s ridiculously humid out here (That last part is 100% true. No bones about it.).

You got this. Legs feel good. No cramping. Keep doing what you’re doing.

For 6 miles, I went back and forth. Luckily, Confidence prevailed.

10k Support

Through Forest Hill, we started to see some of the 10k runners who started 30 minutes after us. They were incredibly supportive. And quite mobile, making every effort to get out of the way so I could pass. Thanks guys.

Rock Hoppin’ River Crossing

I probably lost a little time jumping rocks across the river. I navigated it well, taking the shortest path possible, but I put on the brakes just slightly. I was running a near perfect race so far, and the last thing I needed was to bite it on a slippery rock, or twist an ankle.

I even waited patiently for two 10kers to climb the ladder onto Belle Isle. My old racing self would have climbed the wall, but I’m glad I waited. It provided a brief rest, and it was the gentleman thing to do.

Belle Isle

It’s really more like a small mountain in my opinion, but you can call it what you want. Pretty much a straight shot up to the top, a few hundred yards across, and switchbacks right back down.

As soon as we came down, I knew precisely how far until the finish. And for the first time in a while, I looked down at my watch. 6 minutes left to break 1:40.

It was time to see what I had left in the tank.

Tank. Full.

How, I have no idea. Well, I’m sure adrenaline had something to do with it. And I knew there were no more hills, so it was game on to the finish.

Up the ramp to the footbridge, blinker on, get in the left lane, pedal to the floor. At this point, my breathing sounded like a 200lbs wild animal of some kind. My form might also have mimicked that of a wild animal, although I was trying to keep it together. Sometimes I just get too excited.

Home Stretch

Down the footbridge, onto Tredegar St, pedal still on the floor. I might have eased up just a bit for 10 seconds. I needed to make sure I had something for a sprint finish.

Smiling on the Inside

I had a look of pure anguish on my face. I usually throw my tongue out at this point too. Arms pumping. Lungs working overtime. Eyes squinting. I looked like absolute hell, but I was smiling on the inside.

The Finish

I blasted through the finish in 1:39:29 (a 7:37 pace). On that course, with those hills, and that humidity… very respectable.

12th overall, and actually 3rd in my age group. They gave me a medal. That’s never happened before.

Post-race

I saw a guy I recognized from last week’s 50k. We talked for a while. Real nice guy. From Montana. Going to school in Winchester, VA. Nice to meet you, Rob. Thanks for the conversation.

We stuck around to watch a few more friends finish. I stuffed my face with muffins, and devoured a dozen orange slices. Misting tent. Porta-potty. And lots and lots of deep breaths. Phew! That was awesome.

The Takeaway

I sit here now, 60+ ounces of water later, an ice bath, self-massage, cold shower, protein shake, and just flat out laid down for 30 minutes. And I feel good. Real good.

The human body is an incredible machine. If you treat it right… listen to it… give it what it tells you it needs, when it needs it… it’s capable of some pretty incredible things.

If you don’t believe me, please test it out. You’ll be pleasantly surprised with what you discover.